He loves me...

You see that smile people?!?!?!



LAISANA IS HAPPY!

Got my man back (see previous post)..

Birthday went well..business is BOOMING..life is good...better post later..it is 5am. Gnite:)

Babies.Grillz.Parties

My 1 year old niece has this thing...she likes being nude. She was in my car with my daughter and within 2 minutes of the drive both shoes..OFF..t-shirt..OFF..damn nudist.

So I was unexpectantly off yesterday (really thought I had to work) so santana and I made it goofy day. We went to the mall and passed by this grill shop. Mama has an idea lmao...yep I got me a grill its pink and white diamonds..Ive been going around grunting like the ying yang twinz. The whole time tana kept laughing saying I look like a rapper lol. Then I had my niece and shes 1 and just as silly so we went back to the mall to past time and I swear I burned 10,000 calories chasing this just walking and already running heffa. I came home...thighs sore..felt like I was doing something else besides shopping. Hmm. My mom says im making a ghetto toddler lol, I drive a new monte carlo with rims..my daughter met my older cousin jameel for the first time yesterday and the first thing she asked him was...what kinda rims you got? ...yeah..she really did ask him this. He just stared in awe.

Well next saturday is my bday party...I had nightmares last night nobody showed lol. I was like OMG!! I made all this food and now its wasted. I think I even cried in my dream lol. The last party I had was my 12th bday and I could only invite 1 person from school so Ive never really had a party for me. Felt weird asking people to come..the whole time I was thinking..he is not going to come. Oh well if they do they do if they dont they dont. My family is big enough lol.

Wow this whole abstinence thing..sucks.

My ex and I have been back talking. Not the one I was just banging lol..but I was with this one right after I had my daughter. He's a college grad,business owner..very successful and God fearing and head over heels in love with Laisana *my real name btw*. I love him too, our relationship is very grown up. I feel inadequate though compared to him which is weird for me. He makes 6 figures..Im broke as hell and still struggling after getting my degree. Im a freelance photographer. He has a business plus he handles business deals between major corporations. It's not him that makes me feel funny..its me. I always feel he can get better and do better. He asked me the other night what was it that help me back from us. Its me...I want to be like POW!! I bring something to the table other that a child that isn't yours.

Hmm...plus he has the baby itch. He's about to be 25..I will be 22 this coming friday. He wants to marry me, he's proposed on numerous occasions but I refuse everytime. He gets frustrated and decides to date again but he always comes right back. I dunno...blah

:(

Guess whose home?!?!?!

TANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My babygirl arrived in one piece this morning!!!!!! shes unusually quiet which is kind of bothering me but hey..whatever! I never realized how much her being gone gets to me..imagine college. Now one thing I don't like about my ex's current chick..the girl cant do hair to save ANYONES life. My little girl got off the plane looking like scary spice about the head..I had to wash it and condition it and re curl it. Poor child tries too, I saw she had some lil ponytails but they were loose and raggedy as hell.

Beach tomorrow!!!! myself, my little sister, my lil girl and older sister and her gremlins. I am off tomorrow after a whole week of 6am-9pm (which explains my absence). May even bbq..I want some calypso grilled shrimp. Well off to fry some fish...she missed mamas cooking..I asked her if the girlfriend could cook and she said nooo not really, daddy just bought mcdonalds all the time or pizzas..basically>>>>She cant cook.

I have to get blood drawn in the morning which means time to fast!! lol..cant eat after midnight..or drink ANYTHING. Blah. The docs think my thyroid is all fucked up..my brain is already a lil off (epileptic)..lets just add some other expensive ass prescription to my list.

Business is good. Great actually, trying to decide when to increase my prices a little. Right now Im a steal and its time to up it. My boobs are sore which means my period is arriving...yay!!! not pregnant.

This little girl is my new hanging partner. She had my friend/her mom call me and ask me to "take pictures"...so I did another shoot of her and her mom together. Moreso just played with them...shes so grown at 2.

Doing their pics made me miss my brat even more..its weird how much our children can aggravate us..well I know mine does lol, but how we need them just as much as they need us if not more. My life was blah before I had Santana *my daughter*, I didn't have a purpose. I worked and went to school. But once she arrived it was like ok lais..YOU no longer matter, tana does. She gets the best, probably why I am always broke lol. I work my ass off for her..undergo debt for college when honestly before she came..I was contemplating dropping out. Now I am a college graduate, with my own business. I think she pulled the best out of me. She made me sweeter..I was hard as 3 brokedown pimps before she came about. Her dad brings her back to me later this week...Yayyyyyyy!!!!!!

Well I have an engagement shoot next..Who knew people really had those..I swear my wedding is going to be simple. Im doing my OWN invitations *not a certified web designer for nothing* off of my OWN pc, if I could I would do my own pictures lol. Im planning it.My mother is catering it..and yeah..thats it. Rent a limo..get the tux and dresses and viola! DONE. People spending 70 grand for a few hours and its not even FOR the couple..its for other mofo's. Marriage is stressful enough those first years..why complicate it more with a ton of EXTRA debt to deal with. Dont add a baby into the picture..you'll be divorced and paying for that and your wedding in the same year.

My birthday is in exactly 18 days. I will be 22 years old, planning a big "bash"..yeah right. I really was at first but that party would cost me half a grand if not more..sorry I can think of other more productive ways to use that money. Well Ive been having migraines all weekend..damned allergies! My face is breaking out because I have rosacea and cant use anything scented on my face..to cleanse or moisturize and I was using the oil of olay summer wash. Now I have the butterfly effect going on around my cheeks..dry ass skin. -Blah-.

Today is my last day off for 8 days straight...but then my good ole 2 week vaca kicks in :) hooh flippin hah...so I will grin and bear it knowing I will be chilling in a week.

My favorite pic of them

...Innocence

Why I love doing what I do...simple moments like this...She was one of the best subjects I have ever had the pleasure of shooting.

Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

Today I would have had to say no to that question. While at work this little 10 year old superbrained geek asked if he could see how the ride worked. I showed him and while working to the rollercoaster he says.."hmm excuse me ma'am but this whole ordeal is seeming way too ominent for me.."..Hmm, I am a college graduate and had to wait and think..did this lil dude just say...wtf?!?! hmm guess he was smarter than me today.

So ive stayed away from HIM. He's gotten the point I believe, the calls have stopped as well as text messages. I decided to not go out tonight because as childish as he is he will be up in there drunk all over every chick and doing the most so to avoid the headache..I have made it a night to handle some business. In two days Ive dished out 2 grand...bank account is SO making the screw face! lol..but my roof caved in and drenched my daughters bed..had to fix that as well as a new bed for her.

I wanna sex trey songz. Really bad...hmm

Let me come inside and we gone see if you invincible...

hmm hmm trey...I would let my body be ya home;)

So Im in the process of building my photography site..woohoo!! can we say p-r-o-g-r-e-s-s?? :D

So my 22nd birthday is june the 29th and today after work my best friend and I went and priced all the party items and I purchased my bday outfit...my mom said im a whore lol. These are the SHORTEST shorts..ive EVER worn..makes my ass look like BLIGITY BLAOW!! lol..and the highest heels..hmm wonder if imma break my ankle being drunk and trying to walk. My bday bash with the fam and friends is the next evening..dominoes & spades competition..wings..liquor..karaoke..dance dance revolution lol..liquor..luah theme..liquor!! lol..hmm yeah..interesting I can tell. I need to his up the bd for an early gift..lol..i need a macro lense for my xt..hmm

Shoot tomorrow..a concieted ass 2 year old lol.

See why I need my daughter back home?...I do senseless shit like hang off my bed for an hour just to see how floaty ill feel...

Being a lazy ass

Today is one of those "fuck work!" days. I rolled over around 6 am and decided although Ive been on vaca for 5 days straight...I was not ready to return to work. Thus leading me to call off..it felt good. Now lets pray I don't get sick for the rest of the year. Ha! HE *see entry below* was supposed to come over my place around 10/11pm last night, somehow this negro ended up at my door around 530 am. :shitfaced: wow..I see why he is an "ex". So I gave him a quickie and faked it just so he could leave and I could go back to sleep. Waste of time..blah!

Whats so wierd with him and I is that we broke up because I had JUST had my daughter and I knew he was cheating, I went through a crazy like depression after my daughter and went a year and 7 months straight with no sex..so he seeked outside help. So we broke up..got back cool and ended up sleeping together while he was in another relationship. I didn't feel bad because it was with the girl he was cheating on me with..yeah, real high school I know. I think Im done with this little romp in the hay with him. Im 22 now, no longer 18. The sex is GREAT, but im tired of it already..its not fulfilling in fact it brings the word lonely up inside my conscious. Thats the only reason Im doing him and this. Lonliness and boredom. I had a date last night with this random guy who works at sprint, I went to pay my bill and he kept my number (stalkerish? maybe) anyway he has been calling me for about a month straight so he called yesterday and he said something to offend me and I just hung up right in his face. I am losing patience with men, with people period. Im quick to scratch you off my list and out my life.

I have/had some good prospects for future husbands. Actually the donor was one but he's too soft for me. I bully him on the regular lol. I had the stock broker with his own real estate business. My one ex just got drafted to the NFL, Mr. Ryne Robinson, then there was the engineer who was my prettyboy but he liked to have 50 women at once. We'll he actually matured and is engaged. Its like I mold men for the next chick...lol. Want a good man? bring the piece of shit he is now to me and in six months...i will have him right! lmao. Im considering being celibate again. Like seriously.

I miss my lil girl:( I always say that while shes at her dads Imma do it up, I really dont. I wander around the house thinking of things to do,clean or I work hella overtime. Speaking of work, my debit for some reason is not working (no im not broke..my bank is ghetto lol) I need to purchase my website. I am a freelance photographer, and I want more business and to have an online portfolio. I need a site name...hmm. Suggestions?

So my brother is moving my mattress that the roof leaked on (deleted dramatic angry post lol) and he said my mattress is a porno mattress..i didnt know whether to laugh or be offended. He and I share a boy-boy friendship...i know all his sexual history as he knows mine which is VERY wierd. We are 13 years apart, me being the youngest..I grew up meeting all his lil skanks and slores probably why I act the way I do.

So Im about to take out a loan...why? I want my own photography studio really bad and I figure I dont need that much..hell my basement has lights,backdrops,props, I own 4 cameras..filters for days..but I want a studio studio. My light in my basement is HORRID and so the shadows are too dramatic so yeah..stupid decision? yea or nay..

btw..I love amy winehouse & lily allen.

picture me in one of those two seater things
top down so thoughts of you are in the breeze
and the wind
and the wind
and the wind
winds in my hair
but each time i say i won't be back around
you get me back around
and i know you bring me down
but still sometimes
you seem to get me high

(chorus)
oh poppi
i sit and think about all of the things
we go thru
and i wonder why i stay with you
but there's something in your backstroke
and it keeps me yearning for you
something's in your backstroke

(verse 2)
here it is
i'mma make it plain
i'mma lay it on the line
(lay it on the line)
mostly i feel you're just
a waste of my time

but oooh.. i want you
(i gotta have ya) (really don't need u)

but it's the way u love me
that keeps me thinking poppi oh i

(chorus)

and it keeps me yearning u
and it keeps me yearning u
and it keeps me yearning u
and it keeps me yearning u

(bridge)
i can't do this forever but right now i'd rather
just give in and get your love 2night

While laying in his bed he took this pic and texted it to me on his way to work...the man got a stroke for days..

2 steppin' & mace

Ok so lets begin last nights recap. Dre came and picked up our child for a 2 week visit so last night my lil crew and I made it clubbing night. Hell I deserve to get drunk, I work 80+ hours a week and this IS the beginning of my 5 day vacation. So we go this club called gators..I must say I was looking quite sexy..tata's was like BAM! lol..anyway..got in the club, started mingling and drinking. Somewhere between the random ray lewis lookalike negro telling me " mama you better get that SHIT!" (he said SHIT so hard lol..I was doing the wipe me down lmao) and my 6 drink and 2nd long island..SOME RANDOM ASS LOSERFACE BROAD decides to take mace out and maced..not just regular mace..but that shit the police have..dont ask I know. Anyway everyone is throwing up, running out the club, I gagged for about 10 minutes..ran all my makeup off my eyes and my skin turned red as a tomato. Now she lucky I aint see her in the crowd outside or I swear as drunk as I was..that would have been all she wrote. It was SO uncalled for..I love gatorz its a hiphop/reggae club..rarely fights. Although its for the younger crowd its no drama ya know.

Well after that situation we all go back in after the air is cleared out inside and I run into my ex Tony...fine ass tony..his lil brother just got drafted by the NFL and I was just talking about him. Well im sipping my drink and he comes up from behind and gawdddd he smelled so good or maybe I was just real drunk. Anyway, I GOT SOME GOOD QUALITY ASS!!!!! lmao. Anyone have that one ex that knew how to handle your body and could just lay ya ass down damn near put you to sleep?...he was mine. Hmm..Im happy --->:D <----see?!?!?!. Im extremely aggressive in bed and he just flips my ass..no one has made me break down and submit but him and I have to say last night I probably performed my best as drunk as I was. Im sore this morning and Im trying to think if its from the sex or my hardass drunk choreography...why do we dance so hard when we're drunk?..by the way I woke up wondering why in the hell the soles of my feet were so sore and I found out I was barefoot dancing after my long islands. Hmm.

Im tired of buy you a drink by the way...for some reason the dudes in the club see it as an inuendo to bring you a drink therefore your obligated to dance or be nice..not my ass. Im rude and I know it, probably not a good thing huh? You know the part in the 2-step song where DJ Unk says "you can still post up a wall nigga hollaback" well when I was approached with a drink the DJ switched to that part and I was so on time when I looked at the dude and said loud as hell HOLLABACK while pushing his body away from mine. Last night I wasn't in the mood to be gamed or groped or none of that. I was feeling nice and dancing with my girls and a few head I know was good enough..hell I believe I danced with myself.

Well im off to see how I can maneuver some afternoon nookie before I have to do a photoshoot 2 hours away...cross your fingers for me. ;)

"Baby daddy"

Unfortunately..I am not a wife but a baby mama. *sigh* anyway..he flew in this morning to come get his little girl for a few weeks so that means I can be irresponsible for a while.Hoot hoot! not really lol. I can honestly say I have no drama with mines..true enough at one point he did attempt but he knows I aint got no sense. He has a lil girlfriend now and she knows her place with OUR child..aint no ring yet bitch so no need to play mommy. I remember this one skank he was entertaining when our daughter was barely walking, she used to get mad cause I called him on his bday @ midnight. I have known this man since we were in high school...its certain customs we have whether we are together or not..one is the midnight bday call. This bitch hung up in my face and was like "if it aint concerning babygirl aint no reason for you to call this phone ESPECIALLY this late..you gon respect me"..hmm I believe that relationship was over the VERY next day after I went off on him and threatened to shoot the girl. I actually want this relationship with the new one to work out because shes one of them church going chicks. Was a virgin before him and shes 21..he need to keep that.

pressing on, ever took a nice hot shower that smells so good the whole bathroom smell fresh? ok ever had to poop right after? lmao!!..Im so tempted to call in so I can start my sorta vacation early..I work 4 hours today and then I am off for 5 days straight. niceee..I want a midori sour.

Your first catfight...ahh the memories

My little sister got suspended today for the last week of school for fighting. I mean what better time to fuck up but thats neither here nor there. I get a call while at work from her junior high school telling me to come get her. I drive that nice half an hour and the lil bitch is smiling. Now I know our mother so there is NO reason she should have the kodak going on but I just shrug it off..well ladies and gentlemen..today was her first fight. She officially whooped some ass and she said it felt good!! andddd i whooped her ass lais-lais..



Her story took me back to 1998 when I was 13..my first real real fight. This bitch was ghetto..Tasha Reed. I was going 'out' with her boyfriend at the time and she was my associate. Needless to say we fought in the middle of the street EVERY FUCKIN SATURDAY for a month straight..and I am not exaggerating. Finally one day I gave up, shit was useless. The hoe hated me as well as I hated her. Whatever. Then I was in high school..this white bitch named brooke milhourn was my locker partner..she was EXTREMELY nosey. I was being a lil fast back then and she found all my lil love letters..this hoe knew the letters were mine and she turned them in to the dean and got me in all sorts of trouble. Needless to say her head had a conversation with the sink in the bathroom..I was expelled as well as sent to juvie for a lil minute. Juvie fixed me..ran into all kinds of future hoodlums and menaces..anyway the whole point to this story is..Do you remember that first ass whooping you gave? that feeling of YEA!!!!!!!!!! That mothaf*cka aint gon' EVER f*ck with me again!..remember that? remember that respect you was shown from that day forth..how people stopped pushing your buttons?..

I see why shes smiling now.

Half full or half empty..thats the question

Seriously lais...are we like some 2ft midgets with orange boogers falling out
our noses or is there really just a gross amount of wack ass black men in our
city?...damn!!

-Best friend Amari


Truer words have never been spoken. Im sitting here listening to the international pimp anthem by UGK and outkast. Even pimps are choosing and getting chose. Like seriously Ive been doing some internal searching and Ive realized that I must be one bonafide intimidating woman. I cant find a man worth finding to save my fuckin life! Either they are stupid, hellafied ghetto (we are going to dwell on that ghetto thing later on), lacking motivation to life and thrive, upteen kids, drug habit, borderline gay. Ok lets evaluate my Love life..*ahem* we have "T"..T is 28 with 3 children by 3 women. Great fuckin sex! the man can eat for hours and his stroke is by far..the best Ive ever had. But he is one LAZY ass unreliable man. So no settling with him, therefore Ive withdrawn my kittykat. Then there was "M"..just boring. Nice enough but we would literally sit there for an hour or two straight. No words. Just sitting. I would belch for my own entertainment purposes. Then it was the guy with a great job..decent sex..just not physically attractive so I kept our interaction to a minimum..either phone or if we fucked..only doggy or some other position that would not involve me looking at his hideous ass. Once again, after the sex he was a bore. Im a lively chick. Pretty much geeked up naturally off of life. I cant be with no 25 year old man with the stamina and demeanor of a 73 year old man minus the viagra.

So as of tonight...I vow to become a Madam. I mean this love thing is overrated and way too tiring for my fat ass these days. Im 22 and retiring. Fuck this shit...

In other news, Im flipping through the new issue of Essence when I happen upon this article http://www.essence.com/essence/bodyandsoul/relationships/0,16109,1619085-7,00.html. Now at the time I was just blah blah blah..and then I came across this fine ass specimen of a man..

yeahhhhh anyway he's basically saying he cant find a woman because of how he appears to be. The man is 24..has a M.B.A and is fuckin financial analyst...looks alone I would be eager to fuck him..but then once I got the scoop on him..I swear I would be betty crocker by day and fuckin marissa sky by night *my alter ego..shes a porno ho*..just wanted to share that piece of eye candy, I showed my homegirl and the bitch emailed him..cant say I didn't consider it as well.

-edit-

got DAMN he fine....